Memorization session 2
This time, the objective was to try out different physical actions. I'd already tried doing actions that "made sense" in class. So I tried doing random actions. I was in my room, and it needed cleaning. So I spent half an hour multitasking between tidying things up, throwing things out, and other random chores.
One challenge was the mismatch between how long an action took and the length of a beat. I found myself fingering a scrap of paper thoughtfully for a good 30 seconds. Which I suppose isn't too unrealistic--I'm known to play with things in my hands while I'm talking. At another point, I sat down and started writing a check. This naturally took some of the intensity out of the beat; it made me seem distant and almost nonchalant. Which was an interesting departure I hadn't considered before.
Detaching the physical action from the purpose of the beat helped me to focus on the emotional content of the beat itself. Folding a shirt has nothing to do with this scene, but the
way in which Barney would fold a shirt--or pick up papers, or put a marker away, is dependent on what he's feeling at the time.
It struck me that having this conversation while being so detached from it was pretty sad and despondent. I actually started crying when I started talking about death. I didn't want to get into sobbing, but the tears seemed kind of appropriate at the low points of his speech. The problem is that he moves pretty quickly on to another beat, and the tears don't make sense later on. But it's something to play with.
Blocking
One of the big challenges for this was figuring out how to block and stage this monologue, which at times seems like a plea for forgiveness and at others seems like a ranting tirade. The one thing that's clear is that this speech is directed at Elaine. So today's exercise, which called for us to use someone else as an element of the set, was pretty interesting.
Our first try, where we were all reciting our monologues in corners of the former weight room, produced such a cacaphony of sound that it effectively restricted my motion to within about three feet of Elaine. I found myself pacing back and forth in front of her. This kept a lot of emotional and empathetic distance between us, but I don't feel like I was really making an appeal for her approval by the end.
When we did it for the class, someone had left a bench on stage. So I thought: what if she's sitting on the bed? This worked well. I could tell her to "just sit there" to fix her location. At times I could turn away from her and still be open to the audience. And at the end I sat down on the bed and looked directly into her eyes, which seemed like an effective way to form that connection.
But, as Matthew pointed out, eventually I won't have anyone there on stage to form that physical connection with. I could continue to pantomime it to an imaginary person, or I could try to form that connection with random people in the audience. Which is an interesting idea. But I kind of like the expressiveness of having defined regions where I can be looking at, towards, and away from her at different points.
Another challenge: The last line. "...for a brief moment, I didn't just exist. I lived." I'm having a hard time not making this line sound cheesy.
Memorization session 1
I just got back from CHI and didn't exactly have time or space to practice my monologue over the past week. So I got Matthew's e-mail about memorizing the monologue too late to act on it. But I did get to do my first session.
Objective: Memorize with beat objectives in mind.
So I've been just running through the monologue, mostly standing still in front of my script. It's a little long, and so I'm going to need to start cutting out some lines before long. And some of them are just unnecessary details.
One question I'm left with, since I have no idea how to stage this, is how and when do I relate specifically to Elaine? Am I staring at her the whole time? One idea:
(My beat: explanation) I wanted to know what it was like with another woman. Would I be successful, would she like me, would I like the touch of her?
I think the beats are really helpful for memorizing the "gist" of the story, even if I don't remember the exact words. The precise plot is:
Stop her from leaving. Shame, self deprecation. Retell a past experience about the hooker. Lament the boredom of an easy life. Confusion. Confess a fear of death. Muse on how meaningless my "nice" life is. Propose that life should be exciting to have meaning. Explain why I indulged myself. Address the morality of an affair. Explain what I hoped to get out of it.
See, that's all there is to it. Right.
